Me and My Kinumph
by Cranberry Cocktail
Summary: Ginny returns to Hogwarts, clearly not over Harry. However, Harry did leave Ginny and her frozen knickers in the Forbidden Forest. And now Ginny has snogged Andy, but she mostly blames her crumblie-catchers for that. Sequel to Mistletoe in My Knickers.
1. The Beginning

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything. Leave me be! TNT::snake hand gesture:: Sorry. I just saw Stomp the Yard. Excuse me.

**A/N: **Okay. Some of you are probably slightly confused and/or agitated. And with good reason. But when I looked over the last chapter of MIMK, I realized that I didn't have anything left to say. Christmas was over, Harry was gone, and poor Ginny was near a breakdown. Which isn't unusual, really. So one day in study hall, a sudden idea struck me. So….here it is. Enjoy.

**CHAPTER ONE  
**Custard, Baby Jesus, and Kinumphs

* * *

"_You can't make me go. I bloody refuse."_

"_Ginny."_

"_Nope."_

"_It's not that bad."_

"_Sorry. But I'd rather dip my head into molten lava, thanks."_

"_Just take Baby Jesus, and put him in the pool of custard."_

"_No, Harry. I'm mad at you."_

"_Put him in the custard. Or I won't come back."_

"_That's not fair. You're blackmailing me."_

"_Put him in the custard. Now."_

"_No."_

"_Yes."_

"_No."_

"_Yes."_

…

"_Ginny. Put Baby Jesus in the pool of custard. You have no choice."_

"_I'll give you my kinumph! Just don't make me do it!"_

"_Your kinumph isn't enough. Good day, Ginny."_

"_Harry! Let's talk about this! Don't disappear all angry and the like….."

* * *

_

**JANUARY 4TH**

_6:27 am  
Dormitories…cold…._

There were a few things I realized as I awoke from that terrifyingly creepy dream.

Baby Jesus is dead.

I really don't fancy custard.

Harry is my new dream stalker.

I should really stop listening to Luna.

What in the bloody hell, is a kinumph? And why would I hand it over to Harry? Is it tiny?

It is furry? Can I pet it?

Blast. Who knows?

I also realized something quite fantastic though.

I hate Harry. HE is an arse.

It's going to take a HELL OF A LOT of explaining and sorryness to make me forgive him.

Either that or one really good snog.

* * *

_6:49 am  
Bed…..hoping I don't die from frostbite…._

So I was sitting quietly contemplating 57 ways to castrate Harry, when an owl tapped its little claw on my window.

Me, being the loving and caring soul I am, let it in. To only find that it was a package for me.

From Harry.

At first, I wanted to force the owl back in to the bitter night, but Baby Jesus would not have liked that.

So I took the package.

Did I mention, that it was from Harry? The arse?

Anywhoo, I found the most horrific thing.

A tiny plastic Baby Jesus.

Holding a bottle of Firewhiskey.

And bowl of chestnuts.

* * *

"I think it's cute. In a Teraphylinlycon sort of way. They share the same eyes." 

"Luna, it's a sodding bit of plastic. That just happens to represent someone that I used to hold very dear to my heart."

"You held a Teraphylinlycon close to your heart? That's impressive. I'm surprised it didn't attack you and eat your eyes."

"Could you try to follow me here? Bloody hell!"

"Well, it doesn't look like Harry…"

"What?"

"You said you held him dear to your heart. It doesn't look like Harry. Wait. Did you have an affair with a midget? That looked like Harry?"

"No! Merlin! It's Baby Jesus. I cared for him after his alcohol induced haze. Harry was jealous and threw him out of the window. I rescued him from the gnomes in our garden. The gnomes gave him a turban and also got rid of his stickiness. There were chestnuts in his turban and I ate them. We lived for a couple of peaceful days, before he was savagely burned by my mother."

"Wow. Chestnuts?"

"I know odd right?"

"Yes. Garden gnomes traditionally leave walnuts. You must be housing an odd breed."

"Riiiight. I meant to tell you. I had a dream and Harry wanted me to put Baby Jesus in this gianormous vat of custard. But I didn't want to do that. So I offered Harry my kinumph. What is a sodding kinumph?"

"A kinumph is very secretive."

"And…."

"That's all I can tell you."

"That's all? No random fact about four livers or the ability to start fires using its pinky finger?"

"You'll figure out its true nature. But now, I'm going to eat."

"Fine. Leave me then."

"Farewell, Ginny. Enjoy your Teraphylinlycon."

* * *

_10:20 am  
History of Magic….bored…_

Luna was no help. At all.

And that creepy boy is staring at me. The one from Ravenclaw. That stares.

Although, there isn't much to look at really.

When there are only six people in your class.

* * *

_10:32 am  
Still here….still bored…_

It's all mum's fault. I blame her.

She didn't want me to do anything rash. So she settled on sending me back to Hogwarts.

And it just so happens that about half of the Order is stationed out here.

Conveniently.

But I do plan to make my escape….

Oh yes. I do.

* * *

_10:58 am  
Soooooo bored……_

It's snowing outside.

* * *

_11:03 am  
My brain is dying….from boredom…._

Luna is giving me a look. She keeps raising her eyebrows and tilting her head to the side.

Like a loon.

Oh. I get it. She's alerting me to lurker boy.

He's watching me. Again.

I know I'm good looking, but must he watch me constantly?

Harry would be fuming if…..

Ah. Wait.

Oh, yes.

* * *

_11:12 am  
I'm brilliant….yes…_

**OBJECTIVE:** To return Harry Potter to one Ginny Weasley.

**OVERSEERERS:** Ginny and Luna

**TARGET:** Lurker boy.

**PLAN:** Make Harry jealous by being seen constantly with Lurker boy. News should spread quickly due to numerous Order members.

**NOTE TO SELF:** Learn Lurker boy's real name. Could be helpful in acquiring target.

* * *

"His name is Andy, he likes chicken, and he enjoys playing Wizards Chess." 

"Hmmm…I can work with that. I suppose."

"That's all I could get without being too suspicious. Much like the kinumph."

"I think I'll make my move at dinner. Make sure everyone can see."

"Good plan."

"Thank you, Luna."

"Are you sure this will get back to Harry?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Well, maybe that's an 80 to 24 percent yes. But, it's a chance."

* * *

_5:08 pm  
Dormitory…..almost dinner…._

I popped in on the pretense of dropping off my bag.

Which is really code for "whoreing it up".

My plan must work. I want Harry to be in such a blind rage, that he come flying over here to get in a wand duel with my supposed "boyfriend".

That'd be soooo hot.

* * *

"Andy?" 

"Oh. Hello. You're that girl from Binn's class right?"

"Yes. I'm Ginny. It's nice to meet you."

"Would you like to sit down?"

"Why thank you."

"Er….I didn't mean my lap, but…um….we'll go with it."

"You have really nice eyes. Much better than green eyes. I hate people with green eyes."

"Oh. Well, I guess yours are pre-"

"Get your hands off of her now!"

"….Harry?"

* * *

**A/N:** I'm baaaaaaaack! Drop me a review! You know you want too... 


	2. Crumblie Catchers and the Loo

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything Harry. Shooo!

**A/N: **Here we are. I just want to thank everybody for their awesomeness! Ya'll are…awesome.

* * *

**CHAPTER TWO**

**JANUARY 4th**

_6:29 pm_

_Dormitory…..queasy..._

Crap.

It seems my "whoreing" methods worked quite well.

I was innocently perched atop Andy, when some sodding idiot had to interrupt.

That sodding idiot happened to be an old friend of mine.

* * *

_6:34 pm  
Still in dormitory…..slightly less queasy…_

Why can't Colin Creevey mind his own bloody business?

Can't a girl set a trap around here, without being called out?

He isn't very pleased. He thinks I really fancy Andy.

Which I don't.

But I can't admit that, because it would ruin my careful plan.

* * *

_6:41 pm  
Honestly_...

It's bloody exhausting being an evil genius…

* * *

"Ginny, what are we doing here?"

"Proving that I'm not a loon."

"Speaking of loons, the kinumph often enjoys clear water and fresh air. These are the key factors to its survival."

"Unless you plan on explaining what a kinumph is, then I'd stop moaning and start listening."

"What crawled up your fireplace and died?"

"A Baby Jesus, that's what."

"Then what do you call the thing that is currently tied to the foot of your bed?"

"I call that a gift from an ex-boyfriend. That bastard."

"Stop squinting! Could you tell me what we're doing here, please?"

"Of course. We are here for one reason only."

"And that would be?"

"To prove I'm not crazy. And I need Lurker Boy for that. Now, he should be starting Quidditch practice soon."

"How'd you figure that out?"

"I spoke to this girl in the loo, who told me that her second cousin is in Ravenclaw, and she knows someone's brother who used to play as a Beater, who used to play with Lurker Boy."

…….

"Stop dribbling down your jumper. I need you to focus."

"You're raving mad. Worse than the Teraphylinlycon."

"Fantastic."

"Is that him? That tiny speck in the distance? All fuzzy and the like?"

"Hopefully. I'm freezing my knickers off out here!"

"Shouldn't there be more tiny, fuzzy specks?"

"You, my tiny minx, are correct."

"So who is that, and what's going on?"

"Well, we're about to find out."

* * *

_8:17 pm  
Common room…..flipping my sodding arse off!_

So, you know that tiny, fuzzy speck waaay off in the distance?

The speck that should've been Lurker Boy?

I was wrong. Really, really wrong.

I think my eyes are going all crooked.

Because I was sooooo wrong.

* * *

_8:21 pm  
Common room…..still….flippping….out…._

No. I can't bring myself to write down his cursed name.

* * *

_8:22 pm  
Common room…where else??_

It's not Voldemort. So get your head out of your trousers.

Oh, shite.

* * *

"Are you speaking to me now?"

"Luna, do you hear the wind? Or an ex-boyfriend? I can't seem to tell the difference."

"The Baby Jesus was a peace offering, Gin."

"He's currently being held hostage. You'll have to negotiate his safe return."

"She's serious, Harry. She's tied him to her bed."

"Could you give us some privacy, Luna?"

"We're standing in the middle of the corridor. Everybody's come to have a look. There's no privacy to be had."

"Then we'll find some. Goodbye, Luna."

"May you find peace with your kinumph."

"What in the name of Uncle Alastor's knickers is a kinumph?"

"I'd like to know as well. But stop trying to distract me."

"Let's go somewhere quieter."

"No. I'm not going anywhere with you."

"We are not doing this in the middle of the hall."

"EVERYONE! COME HAVE A LOOK! HARRY POTTER IS BEING AN ARSE! LET'S KICK HIM, SHALL WE?"

* * *

_9:23 pm  
Dormitory….bed…resting…._

I've gone and injured myself.

Harry has very hard shins.

* * *

_9:25 pm  
Bed….resting….like I said…._

As he was hobbling off to the infirmary, he started muttering mad things.

Like "sodding wench" and "bloody tart" to name a few.

I know it was the pain talking.

I really shouldn't have yelled that out in the middle of a group of girls.

I shall knit him a sweater in sorryness.

Or rather, mum will knit the sweater and I'll cover it in sorryness.

Meh. Choices, choices.

* * *

**JANUARY 5TH**

_9:39 am  
__Common room…..twittering about…._

Shite. It's Saturday.

No classes to hide in. Blast.

I know that at any minute, Harry is going to barge thru the door and demand an apologetic snog.

But I cannot be wooed over that easily. Not this time.

I have Lurker Boy to think of.

Harry will have to wait his turn.

In Hell.

* * *

_9:42 am  
Same place….same feelings…..why do I bother??_

I skipped breakfast.

I wanted to avoid Harry.

So now, I'm starving to death.

I don't even have two biscuit crumbs to rub together.

I'll have to forage at night for my meals.

_10:17 am  
Common room….gossip time….._

So I was eavesdropping on Ellen Queeney and Paige Lobstering and they had some bloody good gossip.

According to Ellen's sister's best friend's friend, Harry is here holding a secret meeting with some of the Thestrals. They are discussing tactics and such.

Nice in theory, but a wee bit unlikely.

So Paige countered with a theory that Harry was really here to overthrow a house-elf rebellion.

Because, obviously, he is their house-elf liaison person of choice.

* * *

_10:24 am  
Common room…..still listening to Dumb and Dumber….._

As the Idiot-Twins droned on about hair plaits and the length of their skirts, I started to think.

Why in the sweet name of Merlin, was Harry here?

And where were Ron and Hermione? Surely not in the woods snogging about….

* * *

_10:26 am  
Common room…still….really now…._

Well, that twit can try to woo me back with his manly-man charms, but I will resist.

I am immune. Ish.

* * *

_Lunch  
In the loo…..hiding and the like…._

So, who was there when I very quietly slipped through the library door??

Harry. And he was being creepish.

So, quick as lightening, I leapt back through the door and made a frantic dash into the girl's toilets.

* * *

_Lunch  
Still in the loo…..still hiding and the like….._

This is where I've been for the last 10 minutes.

Waiting. Just waiting.

* * *

_4:39 pm  
Loo…..floor….post-nap….._

So, while I was waiting, I apparently fell asleep.

For three hours.

I just slumped over right there on the floor in my tiny stall.

Ghastly, really, if I think about it.

Ugh. Dirty.

I had a fantastic dream though.

Well, it would have been fantastic if Harry, Baby Jesus, and a vat of custard had not been involved.

Once again, I dreamed of Harry threatening me and putting down my kinumph.

He's quite racist, if I think about it…

* * *

_6:59 pm  
Common room….lounging around…_

I was snacking on biscuits, when I made the most miraculous discovery.

My chest is so large, it catches all the crumblies that dribble down my front.

Lurker Boy might enjoy my large Crumblie Catchers.

I must put this to the test. Tonight.

* * *

"Hello, Andy. Fancy seeing you round here…"

"Well, this is the entrance to my common room."

"Oh, is it? I hadn't even notice. Chocolate biscuit?"

"I'm really not…."

"Have one. I insist."

"Right. Thanks then."

"So, how was your day?"

"It was fine. But I'm not so sure that you are. Why are you jiggling about?"

"It's a good workout. Burns off the calories."

"If you say so. It's getting late; I should probably head in now."

"If you must. Good….Andy! Watch out!!"

* * *

_10:39 pm  
Dormitory…bed….exhausted….._

And that's when my Crumblie Catchers broke Andy's fall.

At least I know they're good for something.

* * *

**A/N: **Ya'll are reeeealllly good to me. So keep being good, by leaving a review! 


	3. The Gossip Train

**Disclaimer:**I don't own freakin' Harry Potter. Good grief.

**A/N:**Okay. Throw your stones. I haven't updated for many good reasons. Slight writer's block. SAT's. AP Bio and History tests. Finals. And in like 2 days I leave for Germany. And I'll be there for a month. So this will be the last update for quite a while. If I'm feeling bored, maybe a one-shot drabble will appear. However, thank you for all the kick ass reviews, and I hope you enjoy the latest installment.

* * *

****

**CHAPTER THREE**

"_I know you're following me, Harry."_

……

"_I can hear you breathing."_

……

"_I will castrate you with your own wand, you can be sure of that."_

……

"_Harry! You've smudged my lip gloss! Now Binns is going to think I've been snogging about."_

"_Ah, but you have been snogging about. Just now in fact."_

"_I'm still not speaking to you though."_

"_You can kiss me, but you can't talk to me?"_

"_Baby Jesus is helping me to stay strong. He's my emotional-y friend-ish thing."_

"_Luna said you'd strapped him to your bed. How'd he like that?"_

"_It was for his own good. He wasn't safe until I brainwashed him."_

"_Brainwash? He's plastic. He has no brain to wash."_

……

"_Are we really doing this now?"_

……

"_Ginny!"_

……

"_Fine. I won't tell you what I wanted to tell you then. You obviously don't want to be told."_

"_Harry! I was looking for you! Oh, hey Gin."_

"_Ron?!? What in the name of ……. What are you doing here?"_

"_Erm."_

"_Is that an acronym? I haven't seen you in a billion years, and all you say is Erm? That better stand for one of Hermione's crap organizations, like the Elf Rehabilitation Movement!"_

"_What in Merlin's name are you raving about?"_

"_Sod it. Men never listen. All of you have tiny little gnomes that block out anything intelligent. Namely, what girls say."_

"_Look Harry, we need to get going."_

"_What?!? You just bloody got here! I'm not even done yelling at you! Or being mad! We haven't even had a good row yet!"_

"_Let's go, Ron. Our kinumphs are waiting."_

"

* * *

**JANUARY 5****TH**

_7:29 am  
Secret sleeping place for boys who keep secrets……_

Harry Potter awoke with a start, launching his body vertically into the air, a feat that would be revered under different circumstances. This however, was very strange in Harry's book. Even stranger than Ginny's diary. And Baby Jesus. And the gnomes that liberated Baby Jesus who then in turn, made Baby Jesus their king. And now, as Harry reflects on these points, he realizes that Ginny is very odd and all odd things appear to stem directly from her.

Which brings us back to the odd dream which so blatantly startled Harry. He didn't dream often, but when he did he usually dreamt of Lord Voldemort murdering his parents, his friends, or even Harry himself, and the occasional fantasy involving Firewhiskey, Ginny, and a rug made out of Hippogriff furs. But that is not important. The fact that Harry did not dream of any of these things is important.

Firstly, what is a kinumph? And why doesn't Ginny have one?

Secondly, Ginny in a vat of custard, or any other liquid desert for that matter, is bloody fabulous. And also, should happen immediately.

And lastly, any dream involving Ron would most certainly not end in a naughty fantasy involving Ginny or liquid deserts.

Terrible shame, really.

* * *

_8:18 am  
Breakfast…Great Hall_…..

Harry was feeling quite odd after his odd dream involving his odd ex-girlfriend. Which feels very odd to say.

His mood only brightened slightly when the real Ron Weasley plopped down on the bench beside him.

Harry began contemplating the finer points of his fork, when Ron tried to speak while chocking back his eggs.

"I fweel owed."

"Come again, mate. I can't hear you amongst all that rubbish."

Ron swallowed awkwardly. "I said, I feel odd."

"Sodding shame, really."

"Do you even want to know why?"

Harry straightened up, placed his fork on the table, and pretended to listen.

As you know, Harry had bigger problems to deal with. "All right. Let's have it then. Why do you feel so odd?"

"It's Hermione. She's—"

Harry immediately began to block out Ron's ramblings. It wasn't until 5 minutes later, when Ron had stopped speaking and had begun to eat again, that Harry spoke.

"Do you want to know why I feel odd, Ron?"

"Swere."

"I had a dream. Ginny was in it, and we snogged. And I wanted her kinumph. And she suggested that she jump in a vat of custard. And you were there. And you made me leave."

"What's a kinumph?"

"Merlin knows. What do you think it means?"

"I think it means you want Ginny to jump in a vat of custard. Which is quite raunchy, and as her older brother I should pound the shite out of you. But you are my friend. And you are teetering on the edge of death. So I won't."

"Thanks mate."

* * *

_9:49 am  
Library…..hidden by a stack of books_...

Ron Weasley strolled across the library, obviously avoiding the beady glare of Madame Pince.

In Ron's eyes, the old bat should have shriveled up by now and been carried away by some mystical wind. If Hermione ever heard him say this, he would definitely be in trouble. And no amount of snogging would be able to save him.

He was just about ready to call out Hermione's name, when he spotted her signature stack of books.

"Hello, love. Did you find anything helpful?"

"No, this is really aggravating. I cross referenced this term in seventeen different volumes and I've found nothing."

"Well, this will brighten your day. Harry had a dream about Ginny."

"He did? It wasn't a dirty dream was it?"

"Bloody hell! No, it wasn't!"

"Shhh, Ron. Don't swear."

"Sorry, mum."

"Very funny. So clever."

"Do you want to hear the rest or not?"

"Proceed."

"So the word kinumph was mentioned. And Harry and I didn't know what it meant. You wouldn't happen to know, would you?"

"No, but I think I know where to look. If I just look it up in the index of this book, then I can find its relative term which I can then use to find a more thour—"

"You're giving me a headache."

"Oh, please."

"How about a snog?"

"How about I castrate you?"

"Very well, then. Cheers."

* * *

_11:03 am  
Hagrid's cabin….pumpkin patch…._

Hermione Granger stumbled down the damp hill as she carefully balanced her stack of books. Hagrid really needed to start learning how to use the library to its full advantage.

She carefully placed ¾ of the stack on a rather shapely, frozen pumpkin before calling out Hagrid's name as loudly as she could.

The half-giant strode boldly from the door and gathered her in a bone crushing hug. Hermione stopped breathing, but only momentarily.

"I've brought you those books." Hermione wheezed as air rushed back into her lungs. "And, I've also brought some news."

"Let's hear it then."

"Harry had a dream about Ginny."

"Yer don't say?"

"Yeah. They snogged, Ginny wanted to jump in custard, and Harry really wanted to see the kinumphs."

"Interestin'."

"Precisely."

"How does Harry feel 'bout this?"

"Moody. The usual 'I left my girlfriend and now that I've seen her I desperately want her back, but now she wants nothing to do with me' phase."

"Right."

* * *

_Library  
1:43 pm_

Ellen Queeney and Paige Lobstering were quite proud of themselves. In a tart-ish sort of way.

They had been innocently tanning on the Quidditch pitch when Hagrid had come ambling towards them.

As usual, Hagrid would tell them to skive off and as usual, they would stay right where they were. Pretending not to notice or hear.

But during his bumbling, Ellen could have sworn she heard Hagrid mention Harry Potter, Ginny, custard, snogging, kinumphs, and Baby Jesus all in one flustered breath.

This was a smashing find. The Gossip Queens had struck gold again, without lifting any perfectly painted fingernails.

So as Ellen and Paige sat huddled together in the library, they barely noticed Luna Lovegood's approach. Luna sat "innocently" across from them, quickly becoming "immersed" with her book.

"I swear that giant man said something about custard." Ellen said in a loud whisper.

Luna dropped her book and winced as it cluttered loudly against the table. Ellen and Paige chose to ignore her.

"I heard Harry Potter and Baby Jesus."

"And snogging. Lot's of it."

Luna cleared her throat loudly. "Excuse me, but aren't you Paige and Ellen?"

Paige sighed and began to pick at something under her nails. "Yeah. What's it to you?"

"I couldn't help but overhearing your conversation. Did you say something about Harry Potter?"

"Yeah," Ellen sighed. "We might've heard a thing or two."

"Will you tell me?"

"It's gonna cost you, honey." Paige said as she extended her hand. "And we ain't cheap."

* * *

_2:14 pm  
Dormitory….hiding…_

Luna has requested a secret meeting in the boy's loo on the third floor.

How she ended up in the boy's loo, I may never know. Nor do I wish to know.

Not the point.

The pointiest point of them all is this: Harry's here. As in the same building.

Merlin, I loathe him. Honest.

* * *

_2:16 pm  
Dormitory….lurking…not in a scary way….._

I lied. Set fire to me.

* * *

_2:19 pm  
Common room……_

It was getting too hot up there. I really felt like I might combust into flames at any moment.

I must stop saying things that I don't really mean. It will only lead to my inconvenient death.

Blast.

* * *

"Password?"

"Osh-kosh-bi-gosh. Luna, what is this all about?"

"Quiet. You have to come in first."

"This is sodding ridiculous. I was busy knitting Baby Jesus a new pair of hand-warmers due to the poor circulation in his hands. You know, with the whole being bound to my bed by ropes and all."

"I'm going to ignore the fact that you just said that. Okay. I've heard some fantastic news."

"Lurker Boy has fallen deeply in love with me and wants to fondle my crumblie catchers?"

"Unfortunately, no. It's to do with Harry."

"No fondling?"

"No. But I had to do some detective work to verify my sources."

"Who was it?"

"Paige and Ellen."

"Those tarts?"

"I know. But I checked their sources and traced them all the way back to Harry."

"Bastard. Sorry. Go on."

"Right. I eavesdropped on Ellen and Paige, who had heard it mumbled by Hagrid, who was told by Hermione, who was gabled to by Ron, who was told in confidence by Harry."

"Did you just hear yourself? You sound mad."

"Do you want to know what I heard or not?"

"Sod it. Tell me."

"Supposedly Harry threw you in a vat of custard, tied you to your own bed, and then snogged Baby Jesus to within an inch of his plastic existence."

"That sounds completely logical and not in any way fabricated. Cheers."

* * *

_3:14 pm  
Common room…..baffled……_

A lynching mob just left the premises.

It was mainly led by Paige and Ellen, who don't really know what lynching is.

That's what happens when your brain is the size of Baby Jesus' left nut, due to excessive sun exposure.

* * *

_3:16 pm  
Common room….slightly warm…._

Again, I shouldn't say things I don't mean.

* * *

_3:17 pm  
Common room….stifling…._

Even if there the truth.

And I do secretly mean them.

Is it hot in here, or is it just me??

* * *

_3:19 pm  
Common room...spazzing...intense heat..._

I can feel the fires of Hell burning me already.

Even Baby Jesus couldn't save me now.

* * *

**A/N:**I know the style was a little weird, but next chapter we'll be back to the old swing of things. So, while I'm gone, you could...oh, I don't know...review?? 


	4. Frozen Knickers

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything Harry Potter. For like the 70th billionth time. Sheesh.

**A/N:** Hmph. Never fear my little friends, I have returned. Germany was very, very good to me. I'm back for good now, so you won't be seeing 2 ½ month long breaks! Yeah. So big thanks to Marie, for beating this out of me. Because I was lost, but only for a little while.

* * *

**JANUARY 6****TH**

_9:29 am  
__Potions class…..lame…._

I was doodling potential ways to enhance my crumblie catchers, when I felt something hit the back of my neck.

I was quite miffed.

* * *

_9:31 am  
Potions class….the floor…_

While Slughorn was busy touching himself or something, I crawled under my desk to retrieve said projectile.

It was a note.

Ginny-

URGENT NEWS!

-Luna

* * *

_9:36 am  
Potions class….honestly…_

Faithful Follower-

What?!?

-Your Master

* * *

_9:47 am  
Arctic Circle…..where else?_

Gin-

I said, I had URGENT NEWS!

But…it can wait.

-Luna

* * *

_9:49 am  
Volcano…in the middle of my Potions class…._

Really. When you tell someone you have URGENT NEWS, then you bloody well tell them.

In an urgent-ish manner.

I'm living in the Valley of the Deranged.

* * *

"…..and that's when they poked Harry with sticks."

"Right. So basically Paige, Ellen, and a group of hostile teenage girls went looking for Harry."

"Correct."

"They then described in detail what he "supposedly" did to me, and forced him to publicly apologize for his actions."

"Uh….yeah."

"Then they felt the need to summon props from the Charms classroom."

"Mmmhhmmm."

"Which resulted in Harry being poked by sticks."

"In a nutshell. Yeah."

"Wow Luna. I didn't think your stories could get any more ridiculous."

"That's not the worst of it."

"Ah, hell. Of course not."

"Paige and Ellen would like to coordinate a tactical meeting. You're supposed to meet them in the library in 20 minutes."

"Yeah right. And a highly praised religious icon is currently being held captive up in my dormitory."

…….

"Oh. Bullocks."

* * *

_11:12 am  
Library…..free time/tactical meeting……_

Look where I've found myself once again.

Not necessarily a tactical meeting, but just a crap place in general.

This is worse then the attic, loo, and closet full of knickers all rolled into one.

The Twit Twins have been gagging on words too big for them for the past 12 minutes and 16 seconds.

I've been keeping time in my head. This is not at all easy.

* * *

_11:14 am  
Library….following my own commands……_

Luna is actually paying attention in a Hermione-ish sort of way.

They've been fanning about for like 14 minutes and 3….uh….4...seconds now.

Sodding ridiculous. That's why I've abandoned the sad lot of them.

Bloody hell! Bless my knickers!

I think I see Hermione and Ron.

Which means…..

* * *

_11:16 am  
__Library bookcase…..hiding….._

I'm round the edge of the bookcase now. I'm surrounded by the most useless books in wizarding history.

102 Ways to Safely Remove Unwanted Hair on Your Arm, Leg, Chin, Ankle, Nostril, Upper Lip, Earlobe, Bellybutton, Hand, Back, and Armpit. 

This is in a library, why?

Oh. Sweet. Baby. Jesus.

Ughhmhgugmmmghhhhgm.

* * *

"Hello, Ginny. You can come out now."

"Right. Just havin' a look is all."

"I see. Having trouble removing that ankle hair again?"

"Very funny, Hermione."

"Honestly. What were you doing?"

"Well, I saw you and lover boy and I decided to come round and have a little chat."

"Nice to see you too, Ginevra."

"Ron, kiss my ar-"

"Hey, Gin."

"-sessss. Ah. Harry."

"Could we go for a walk?"

"I'm not fallin' for that again…."

"Really, Ginny. I'd just like to discuss some current events."

"I don't have a choice do I?"

"No, you don't."

* * *

_11:28 am  
Forbidden Forest…waiting…_

Harry's gone off to do a "security check" which I know is code.

He's really looking for mad girls with sticks.

Who are only waiting for the perfect moment to strike him down.

Ahhhh. Good times.

* * *

_11:30 am  
__Forbidden Forest….tree stump…_

Ugh. This is very rude.

You don't go tramping off, only to leave a poor and defenseless little girl behind!

And, I'm freezing my knickers off! It's like 39 degrees below out here! Fuck!

I have subconsciously begun to tap my foot.

Either it's a sign of my frustration, or a sad attempt to raise my body's temperature and stave off frostbite.

* * *

"Where have you been? My knickers have frozen to this tree stump!"

"I've been gone for like three minutes, Gin."

"And in those three minutes, my knickers and this tree stump have become one."

"Let me try something."

"Figures. Pick the easy way. Lift me off the stump….typical."

"Can we talk now?"

"Depends. Are you going to apologize for leaving me?"

"Are you going to apologize for that prat Ravenclaw?"

"Are you going to apologize for that imposter Baby Jesus?"

"Are you going to apologize for turning a rouge group of girls on me? Twice?!?"

"I didn't plan the second attack."

"Does that mean you're sorry?"

"Why don't we stop messing about the bush?"

"What?"

"Get to the point, Harry!"

"Right. I just wanted to say, that I really lo-"

"Harry Potter, sir!"

"Dobby! What is it?"

"It can't be that important. Give us five minutes. Continue, Harry."

"Hang on, Gin. Breathe, Dobby. What happened?"

"Harry Potter told Dobby to watch over it and I was sir, I was! But Winky needed me, and now it's gone, sir!"

"Dobby! Stop it! Stop beating yourself on that stump!"

"Sorry Harry Potter, sir. Dobby is deeply sorry!"

"You know what I need you to do, right Dobby?"

"Yes."

"Go. Now."

"Harry what is all this rubbish about?"

"I need to go Gin. It's important."

"But-"

"I'll explain when I can. I promise."

* * *

_12:02 pm  
Loo_..._cubicle_...

And that's when he walked away.

He left me and my frozen knickers out in the middle of the bloody Forbidden Forest.

* * *

_12:04 pm  
__Loo…..cubicle….alone…._

I fear I may have to harm Baby Jesus if this doesn't end well.

I just don't think I could bear to look at him day after day.

Even though he's strapped to my bed.

And pushed under it so that I can't see him.

* * *

_12:05 pm  
__Loo…..cubicle….obviously…._

It's a sad, sad cycle.

Hmph.

There is only one way to cheer me up.

* * *

"Ah, Andy. Fancy meeting you here!"

"Uh…Luna said you wanted to see me."

"She did? How funny. So, what are you up to these days?"

"Potions is really giving me a-"

"Would you like to take a walk?"

* * *

_1:59 pm  
Transfiguration…..shite…._

Yeah. I'm going to Hell.

* * *

**A/N:** Yup. You know what to do...I'm sure I don't have to tell you at this point in the game. Wheeee!


	5. Wand Duel?

**A/N: **Okay. It's been a couple of years. But it's never too late, right?  
So, I'm hoping that everyone who really likes this story and has been around since the beginning will enjoy this addition.  
Thank you for clicking on this little link. **This is for the die-hards that have been waiting for years. Here's to you.**

* * *

**JANUARY 7TH**

_7:01 am  
Dormitory…..dream like trance….._

So what if I snogged Andy last night???

It's not like I have feelings for anyone else or anything.

* * *

_7:02 am  
Floor of dormitory……_

Baby Jesus was taunting me with all of his holy-ness.

In retaliation, I've removed his little mittens. I'm hoping his hands turn black and fall off.

* * *

_9:28 am  
Binns…..*&^_

FANTASTIC NEWS!!!!!!!!!!

Harry and Andy are going to duel!

Over me!!

* * *

"So I was wandering along, thinking of pudding and its many flavors, when I overheard something."

"A fight? A decleration of love for me? What??"

"Well, it was Harry and Andy. And they were talking. Quite loudly."

"Merlin, Luna. I know that already! Did Harry seem really angry?"

"No. More shocked than anything. Anyways, I was pondering the ways of luring a kinumph, which led me to remember that sometimes they fancy pudding. Which led me to look at the floor. And that's when I noticed the note."

"I think you may be slightly unhinged."

"Why thank you."

"You're welcome."

"So. What side are you on?"

"What?"

"Well, will you stand by Harry or by Andy?"

"Physically or metaphorically?"

"I would think….both."

"Well, I choose neither."

* * *

_1:59 pm  
Free period…..thinking….._

Andy is more man than I gave him credit for. Just have a look at the note he gave Harry.

_Dear Harry,_

_I challenge you to a wand duel. Prefect's bathroom. Midnight. _

_Sincerely,_

_Andy_

Bullocks.

* * *

_2:07 pm  
Free period…..slightly worried…._

Andy doesn't have a chance. Poor little lamb.

Harry's going to kick his arse!

Speaking of arse, Harry is purposely wearing tight jeans.

I think he's gone rouge.

* * *

_2:11 pm  
Free period….tittering around like mum…._

Harry wouldn't kill Andy.

Right?

* * *

_2:13 pm  
Free period…..panic…._

Oh, who am I kidding? Harry will burn him to a crisp, just like Baby Jesus.

Why do my crumblie catchers have to be so bloody useful? They are lethal and they must be disbanded at once!

* * *

_2:25 pm  
panic….times a billion…._

Luna says I mustn't disband my boobs. She says I might need them again someday.

Ha. I doubt it. All this dueling mess is putting me into a tizzy. I might just wilt away from the stress of it all…

* * *

_2:38 pm  
Dormitory….counting down…_

What shall I wear?

* * *

_2:39 pm  
Trunk….searching…._

Everything I own is rubbish!

Where is the "I want to look smashing so I woo back my ex-boyfriend so he doesn't kill an innocent bystander who happened to get in the way of my crumblie catchers" outfit when you need it???

* * *

_3:56 pm  
Potions…counting down…._

Hermione and Ron are NOT very pleased with me. They cornered me before class and moaned on and on for ages.

I told them to shut up, find a nice broom closet, and have a dirty quick snog.

* * *

_3:58 pm  
Potions…awaiting dismissal…._

I thought Hermione was going to hit me.

* * *

"Honestly, I don't know why they're fighting over you."

"Don't make me stab you with my fork, Luna. I swear to Baby Jesus--"

"Holy shite."

"What? What's happened??"

"Harry is on his way over here. Right now."

"Shiteshiteshiteshiteshiteshite…."

"Watch where you're flailing that fork, Ginny! You've stabbed me!"

"Luna! I don't have time for your antics. Just be quiet and eat some pudding!!"

"Hello, Luna. Ginny."

……

"She's really invested in her meal, Harry. Right, Luna?"

…….

"See? So, what can I do for you on this fine evening?"

"Maybe it would be better if we did this in private."

"Harry, I'm not so sure. Last time we had a private conversation I ended up with frozen knickers. A girl doesn't forget her…uh….first pair of frozen knickers."

"Gin. Please?"

_Don't you look at me like that Harry Potter!! I'm not your good-time-romp. I am going to stay strong. And refuse your advances. _

"I promise that we won't even leave the castle."

_Blast. He's doing that lookey-thing that he does so well. _

"Gin?"

_Fuck. _"Fine. I'm coming. But don't think I'm not suspicious Harry!"

"Let's go. I know where we can talk alone. Night, Luna."

…….

"What's wrong with her? What did you do to her?"

"Me? Why is everything always my fault? For your information Harry, Luna is taking a vow of silence."

"Why?"

"Because Ginny told me to shut my trap and keep eating."

"Luna! I haven't heard your voice in days! It's so wonderful to have you back! The silence has put you in a delusional state. You're obviously confused."

"No. You're the delusional one. You told me just as Harr--"

"Time to go! Lead the way, Harry!"

* * *

_7:08 pm  
Dormitory....fuming..._

So. Harry "The Arse" Potter thinks I'm "acting out". He wants me to stop "prancing about" and "messing around with boys" that I "don't even know"!!!

He. Is. Such. A. Git.

* * *

_7:10 pm  
Dormitory....^%**#_

HE can't control me! I'm my own free woman! Crumblie catchers flailing about proudly!

* * *

_7:12 pm  
Dormitory....getting ready..._

I have a wand duel to prepare for.

I must look smashing. I have people to make jealous, people to woo.

It's exhausting, really.

* * *

**A/N: **Am I forgiven? Leave me a review and let me know what you thought of the return of Ginny! 


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